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My Fair Lady Update


An open letter from the director

Dear all,

Some of you may have been wondering what’s happening since the auditions were cancelled last week. Thank you for your patience whilst some arrangements were being finalised, I can now confirm the following:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, My Fair Lady has been postponed until 2018. We have confirmed the slot at the venue and the production crew are working hard towards creating an even more spectacular show.

I thank you now and in advance for all the help and support we’ve received so far and will receive in the future. Please do get in touch with Dale (Producer) or I should you wish to get involved by emailing

Very best wishes and here’s to a loverly 2018 summer show

Kirstie McMillan (Director)

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My Fair Lady Auditions Update


Due to circumstances beyond our control we unfortunately have to postpone the auditions for My Fair Lady due to take place on 1st October.

More news will follow very shortly.

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Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Auditions


Read Through – 14th September 8pm Darenth Room, Eynsford Village Hall

Auditions – 18th September 5pm Eynsford Village Hall

We all know the story of Snow White, a beautiful, kindhearted girl, who tries to eat one of her ‘five a day’ and it all goes terribly wrong!

Just like with Jack and The Beanstalk, I’ve added a few twists and turns (and of course, shameless references to film in the form of Harry Potter), whilst still keeping the traditional elements of this story.

The land has been over run by the evil Queen Voldecourt, who uses her dark magic to take control of the kingdom. She prizes herself on being both powerful and the fairest in the land. Prince Sirius, the over confident and self-loving hero, arrives seeking the most beautiful girl in the land. Fortunately for Prince Sirius, upon her eighteen birthday, the Queen’s stepdaughter, Snow White, takes her ‘fair’ title. And of course, the Queen is not happy. The people of the land adore Snow White and she loves them back – it’s a very ‘mushy’ relationship we come to expect in panto land.

Snow White’s best friend, Muddles, who is also the Royal Huntsman to the Queen, should be well loved by the audience, as he gives them plenty of opportunity to interact.

There also is Ronnie and Reggie, the Queen’s evil Henchman; well they aren’t that evil really, I think silly Henchman is a  better way of putting it.

The Magic Mirror is forever telling the Queen who is ‘the fairest in the land’ and of course, we have a certain set of characters that you will only ever meet in this pantomime! And by that I mean the seven companions who befriend Snow White.

Due to Disney claiming ownership over the names of the dwarfs I was given two options. Follow the stereotypical Disney mould and just change their names slightly, i.e. Happy becomes Smiler, which I’ve seen before and not really enjoyed…OR, create seven brand new, more modern characters to fit in to a very traditional story!

So with this in mind, I’ve reimagined the ‘old man’ dwarfs completely. May I present to you, Dude, Punchline, Mimi, Brainy, Rocky, Blusher and Chatterbox!

Along with some wonderful songs and dances, I’m intending on having a ‘wizard duel’ in it too, in true Harry Potter style.

I believe a pantomime should be traditional, with modern elements interwoven into the plot and filled with strong, lovable characters. In my opinion, characters make the plot and not the other way around!

Of course, as it’s a family-friendly panto, I also think there should be as little ‘smut’ as possible. Like Jack, I want to create an adventure. I have no doubt that it will be tricky, but with a very strong production team and (hopefully) a brilliant cast, I really believe we can make this a Riverside pantomime to remember.

Character Description Spoken Song
Snow  White
Female  18- 28
Beautiful and kind – the typical principal girl – she loves
the world and everyone in it and they, in return, love her.  She is the kingdom’s sweetheart and sees the good in everyone.
Snow White and Muddles
Snow White and Old HagSnow White and Prince Sirius
Accidently in Love
Prince Sirius
 I decided that this character should be a bit of a mockery of the classic ‘Prince Charming’ stereotype. He is the handsome prince and that’s exactly what he thinks of himself. Sirius acts a bit like an over exaggerated superhero and is the face of every popular product, and don’t we know it. He’s got all the ‘cheesy’ one- liners and will be a fun and lively part. As expected, in the end he does come to his senses and saves our princess, Snow White. Snow White and Prince Sirius Accidently in Love
Queen Voldecourt
The evil Queen and Snow White’s stepmother. She is horrible to everyone in the Kingdom. She has the power and much to the land’s dismay, is also a very powerful witch. Incredibly vain and proud of her title as ‘fairest in the land’ and will do everything in her power to keep it that way.

*If you are audition for the QUEEN please also audition for the OLD HAG as this part may be played by the same actress.

Queen Voldecourt and Magic Mirror Killer Queen
Snow White’s best friend and the Royal Huntsman. Full of jokes and audience interaction – I would label him more as a Buttons than a Silly Billy type character. The audience should love him, sympathise with him and cheer him on. Snow White and Muddles

Ronnie Reggie Muddles Magic Mirror

Wake up Boo
Ronnie and Reggie
Any age
The silly double act. They are the Queen’s Henchman. Dim, but nice. Ronnie tries to take charge of the duo, but really they are as silly as each other. Needs great comic timing between the pair of them. Ronnie Reggie Muddles Magic Mirror
Old Hag
The Old Hag is the wicked queen in disguise, who gives Snow White the poisoned apple (major plot spoiler!) Think old crone/stereotypical witch!

This character may be played by the same actress, playing ‘Queen Volecourt’ but it could also just as easily be played by another talented actress!

Snow White and Old Hag Wake up Boo
Magic Mirror
Any Age
At last it is time for the mirror to shine
But only if you speak in panto rhyme
A mystical character, which we know little about
But it’s a great part, so have no doubt
Mirror Mirror on the wall
Who is the fairest of them all?
Queen Voldecourt and Magic Mirror

Ronnie Reggie Muddles Magic Mirror

Wake up Boo
Male/Female (all)
Any Age (all)
is dressed in BLUE and wears his baseball cap backwards. He is the ‘Cool’ one and considered to be the self-proclaimed ‘leader’ of the dwarves. Dwarfs


Wake up Boo (all)
Brainy Is dressed in RED and has big thick, geeky glasses. He is the ‘smart’ one and often baffles the others with his analytical and intellectual address.
Mimi Is dressed in YELLOW and she is the ‘fashionable’ one. Shopping is tots hashtag amaze.
Punchline Is dressed in GREEN and he is considered to be the ‘funny’ one. Lots of gags and interaction with the audience.
Rocky Is dressed in PURPLE. She is considered to be the ‘Rock chick’. She needs mad and funky hair.
Blusher is dressed in PINK. He has a nervous stutter and gets embarrassed quite easily.
Chatterbox is dressed in BROWN. He is very mysterious. He has an eye patch over one eye. He doesn’t say anything…
Any Age
How could we possibly do this show without a strong chorus? Sing, dance smile and be merry! The chorus is the foundation of any pantomime!

If you are just reading for Chorus please recite the nursery rhyme ‘Humpty Dumpty’ in an imaginative way. If you are already auditioning for a Principal role, you will automatically be considered for Chorus (unless you state otherwise) and therefore there will be no need to do a separate audition for it.

Humpty Dumpty Wake up Boo

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Rope 2016 Auditions


Directed by Matthew Friett


Sunday 29th May 1pm
Eynsford Village Hall – Darenth Room


Friday 27th May 8pm
Eynsford Village Hall – Darenth Room

Audition Pieces Here

Rope is a play which has been produced as the world’s tensest thriller and as the world’s darkest comedy. This production will have plenty of both. Paying homage to its Hitchcockian history on film and the farcical nonsense it subverts, I will be taking significant plagiarism influence from the very successful West End production of the 39 Steps to create a slick, fast-moving, laugh-out-loud production. The only way this will work is with an amazingly talented and dedicated cast… That is where you come in!

The only requirement for the cast of Rope is energy. As most actors will take on multiple roles for comedic and practical effect, everyone will read for everything at the auditions (though preferences will be considered), and roles cast based on comedic and acting potential. A young, strapping actor might get his ‘first choice’ part of a young handsome student, but he may also be playing a doddery old lady later on in the play. Appearance, age and gender are absolutely not barriers in auditioning and being cast for this production. The character info is only to inform your characterisation, not who you really are.

In addition to the on-screen parts, there are vital roles for non-speaking roles behind the scenes. Manipulating practical effects such as holding a watering can to make it rain, or banging dustbin lids together for thunder. The largest of these roles will be the ‘Sound Effects’, who will have their own table near the stage and provide all the sound effects akin to old Radio Dramas (or the Sound Effects game in Whose Line is it Anyway?) A stage-within-a-stage effect will ensure all suitably hilarious off stage antics are captured.

If you like to make people laugh and gasp in equal measure, and like the idea of messing around with established theatrical conventions, or just feel like being very, very silly for a few hours a night this October, please come along to the read through and auditions for Rope by Patrick Hamilton. Hope to see you all there!

The Characters

The Murderers
Wyndham Brandon –Male. Early 20s. Quietly and expensively dressed. Almost paternal with everyone he addresses, and this seems to arise from an instinctive knowledge of his own good health, good looks, success and natural calm. This, however, brings him at moments to an air of vague priggishness, and is the one reason why you cannot altogether like him.
Charles Granillo –Male. Early 20s. Expensively and rather ornately dressed.  He wears a diamond ring. A Spaniard.  He is enormously courteous – something between dancing-master and stage villain.  He speaks English perfectly.  To those who know him fairly well, and are not subject to Anglo-Saxon prejudices, he seems a thoroughly good sort.

The Victim
Ronald Kentley –Male. Very early 20s. Looks like Raglan. Or at least he looked like Raglan. When he was alive. No lines. Must be willing to stage fight and die horrifically and realistically of asphyxiation in the first couple of minutes.

The Guests
Sabot – The servant. Male. 30+. An alert, very dark little Frenchman, with a long nose and a blueness of cheek which no amount of shaving will eradicate.  He is an almost perfect servant – intelligent, alert and obedient. He is married, quietly ambitious, industrious, and will have a restaurant of his own one of these days.
Kenneth Raglan – A friend from Uni. Male. Early 20s. Simple, good-looking, shy, foolish and good.  He still thinks that nightclubs are dens of delight, but that there is probably one girl in the world for him whom he will one day find.
Leila Arden – Another university friend. Female. 20s. Young, good-looking, and has no ideas.  She also has the same tendency to conceal that deficiency with a show of sophistication.  She has a fairly good stock of many-syllabled and rather outré words which she brings out with rather comic emphasis, and might even be thought deep.  But she is not.
Sir Johnstone Kentley – The victim’s father. Male. 50+. A decidedly pleasant older gentleman, slightly bent, old for his years. Slow moving, utterly harmless, gentle and a little listless.
Mrs Debenham – Kentley’s sister who only says about three goddamn words in the whole thing. Will be represented by a mop wearing a hat through most of the play. Female. 50+.  She is, indeed, so completely a nonentity as to acquire considerable personality and distinction from the very fact.
Rupert Cadell – The murderers’ idol. A university lecturer. Male. Late 20s to 40s. Hamilton calls him He is a little foppish in dress and appearance, and this impression is increased by the very exquisite walking-stick which he carries indoors as well as out.  He is lame in the right leg.  He is enormously affected in speech and carriage. His affectation almost verges on effeminacy, and can be very irritating, but he has a very disarming habit, every now and again, of retrieving the whole thing with an extraordinary frank, open and genial smile.”

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Updates from Committee Meeting Sept and Oct 2015


Spring Slot

Next year’s spring slot will be Rope directed by Matthew Friett. More details to come soon!

House of Dracula

The youth group are working really hard on their next show, House of Dracula. It will be for one night only on the 14th of November so get your tickets from Naomi now! It is the most ambitious show the kids have done for a long time and well worth your support.

Stars in their Eyes

We are still looking for a couple of acts for Stars. It will be on the 5th of December and promises to be a fabulous evening. We need you to come be your idols! Don’t worry if you don’t look exactly like that person or sound exactly like them, it’s the performance that counts! Email 

My Brilliant Divorce

We have had standing ovations, we have had multiple emails in, we have had people stopped in the street! Every single piece of feedback has been utterly astounded by this show. If you haven’t booked your tickets yet, do it now. Here are some of the pieces of feedback shared with us:

I had sat just in front of what turned out to be the actor’s daughter and I said to her that her mother was b r i I l i a n t and I/we were “gobsmacked” at the length of the script the actor had to learn with very little prompting.  Her daughter asked me to meet her mother afterwards and I was proud to shake her hands and she looked exhausted.  Positively first class

It turned out to be one of those special evenings that are truly memorable. The work that went into the production must have been enormous, and the end product brilliant.

If any member of riverside players wishes to view the minutes to the Committee Meetings, they are available upon request by emailing

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